Must change the page... an erupting banana looks much better in a small little square that means nothing to me.

As do many things.

LIFE MOVES ON!

What can I do for you?

In short, GOD FUCKING DAMN! For those of you who really have no interest, stop reading here... I may just be being overdramatic. I never really can tell.

In long...

Everytime I care about something, I never look at it intelligently, I always rush at it with desperation. My best friendships, the ones where other people are relatively happy, seem to be with people I recognize I can survive without... Don't get me wrong. Every friend I have I would die for, if the fighting for takes a much nastier turn for the worst. It's just.... I've tried to make myself warming, while remaining to a certain degree cold within myself so as to retain perspective on a situation. Of course there were times were I broke down... but I guess well that if I'm never strong enough that shouldn't mean I should just give up... I really do regret the times when I have leaped without thought of another the most... Yet sometimes the polar reverse, on the tails side of extremeties... Worse things can happen.

When I overthink something, I can end up not selecting an option but tearing away at myself till I stumble down one. Meaning I panic... and do not think it through again.

Ultimately what I am leading too is my current relationship at a record of... over one month. That's not the point, the point is she is a great girl that confuses me oh so much.. I never know when I am supposed to console... or when to make her laugh, or when to be quiet.... I think if I could clear my head I would have a better understanding... Well the point is, the first two to three weeks were grand. I will never regret these days, and I hope to return to days like those or maybe realize how good I still have it... but the hard thing with our relationship, from my point of view, is that I know I want to be in a relationship when that person is the only person I need, While this wonderful girl... this talented amazing and beautiful girl... needs two people giving her attention.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND! When I ask her about it, she just says it who she is.... So I accept it. But... It scared me... and I freaked out. Now who knows what will happen... I only pray that she ends up with who ever makes her happy, and gives her a life of the same means.